Half done

Well folks, I've made it past the halfway point of my time in Oxford. One term and four weeks down, one term and four weeks to go. Thanks to all of you who have been reading along the way so far.

Now I'm faced with a huge question: do I stay or do I go when I'm done? There are benefits and disadvantages to each.

Staying would mean massive financial organization, another visa, and less teaching than I would like for the next three years, but it would also mean that I would get to experience this wonderful city for three more years (and also have health insurance!). And how wonderful would Oxford look on a CV?

Working would mean $$$ but it would mean delaying the PhD and paying off loans again. Plus there is the whole matter of, oh, finding a place to work.

And a PhD elsewhere could possibly mean that I would get to combine my studies and get to teach again, plus a more likely financial aid package, but it would also mean starting over again and possibly not finishing for much longer than it would take me to finish here. And again, plus there is the whole matter of finding a place to get a PhD.

And people wonder why I agonize over decisions...too many things to choose!

Something that might convince me to stay in the UK

Primark has landed in Oxford.

That's right, two humongous floors of All-American Pure British Shopping Goodness, here in Oxford, at the Westgate Shopping Centre.

Let's put it this way: even with the exchange rate, the prices are insanely cheap. It's like a British Target or Old Navy. I don't think I saw any women's clothing over £10, or any other item over £25.

I was worried how I was going to manage a summer wardrobe on Oxford prices. I'm not worried now, thankyouverymuch.

Back to papering. Weekend's almost here, folks!

Keeping in touch

Just out of curiosity, how many of you keep in touch with people you knew in high school?

(This is more relevant if you're about my age or older - if you're 19 and you read my blog, it doesn't really count.)

I was all into keeping in touch with people when I left high school. And then we all just sort of drifted apart: in the first semester of college, we emailed each other all the time. By our junior year, the emails were far less frequent and were more along the lines of, "so where do you go to school again?"

I think the same has been true for all of the school levels I have attended. When I was little and moved from Enfield to Windsor, I would have my Enfield friends over all the time. After a while they faded into the background to make room for my Windsor friends. The same was true from high school to college, college to grad school, and grad school to Oxford (which is also grad school but you know what I mean).

Don't get me wrong, I still talk to a few people. I get emails here and there from college and high school friends, random invites to parties, and Facebook pokes or Friendster visits. But it's not a consistent thing. The really weird thing is, when I run into some people who were close friends in high school, it's really awkward now: I really have no idea what to say to them. It's so strange.

Although I hate change, I think it's inevitable. Whenever I start a new chapter in my life, I end up meeting new people who have more in common with me than the old people did, or at least they do at the time. As I'm starting to figure out what I want to do with my life, I think these later friendships will be the ones that last the longest (I hope!) because I have the most in common with these people.

My 10-year high school reunion is 2 years from now. I wonder what it will be like. Will it be just like old times, or will it be stuffy and stilted? Will I be able to resist comparing myself to everyone else there? (Not that I feel inadequate or anything, but that's something that just happens when you see people you haven't seen in a while.)

I've been thinking about this because when I was home for the break, I ran into a lot of people I hadn't seen in a while, and was surprised at how some of them had turned out. And when I logged onto Friendster recently, I noticed that some people I knew vaguely from high school had been viewing my profile.

Any thoughts on this?

Friday Poetry Blogging

Since a bunch of people have started doing Friday Poetry Blogging, I thought I would join in. Now that the dissertation topic is pretty much finalized ("Paradoxes of seeing, knowing and understanding as spiritual guidance in selected works of San Juan de la Cruz"), I thought I would share one of the poems that I am writing about for this. San Juan's "Fonte" poem is one of his minor works, but I like it because it is full of paradoxes, and is very much in the spirit of Spanish mysticism. Here we go:

Cantar del alma que se que se huelga de conocer a Dios por fe

Que bien sé yo la fonte que mana y corre,
aunque es de noche.

Aquella eterna fonte está escondida,
que bien sé yo do tiene su manida,
aunque es de noche.

Su origen no lo sé, pues no le tiene,
mas sé que todo origin de ella viene,
aunque es de noche.

Sé que no puede ser cosa tan bella,
y que cielos y tierra beben de ella,
aunque es de noche.

Bien sé que suelo en ella no se halla,
y que ninguno puede vadealla,
aunque es de noche.

Su claridad nunca es oscurecida,
y sé que toda luz de ella es venida,
aunque es de noche.

Sé ser tan caudalosos sus corrientes,
que infiernos, cielos riegan y las gentes,
aunque es de noche.

El corriente que nace de esta fuente
bien sé que es tan capaz y omnipotente,
aunque es de noche.

El corriente que de estas dos procede
sé que ninguna de ella le precede
aunque es de noche.

Aquesta eternal fonte está escondida
en este vivo pan por darnos vida,
aunque es de noche.

Aquí se está llamando a las criaturas,
y de esta agua se hartan, aunque a oscuras,
porque es de noche.

Aquesta viva fuente que deseo,
en este pan de vida yo la veo,
aunque es de noche.

About writing

I have an irresistable urge to write something publishable or presentable. Not in Spanish literature, though...in communication, or educational technology.

I don't know why, but since I've stepped away from it, I've come up with all these ideas. I want to do some sort of case study or content analysis of online communities, or online relationships taken offline. In the educational technology and pedagogy side of things, I'm very interested in instructors' subject areas and confidence levels as factors in technology use, as well as perceived levels of skill (I get a lot of people who say, "I'm no good at this stuff," when they are actually quite good!). I also want to write a more trade publication-ish article about Blackboard, most likely about how the virtual classroom has affected my teaching.

I should just go ahead and do it. I don't know what's holding me back. I have a master's degree, and people with master's degrees write publishable and presentable stuff. Fear of inadequacy, maybe. Confusion, perhaps. Now that I've come across this whole new writing style (as I wrote about in my teaching blog), I don't know which format I prefer.

Maybe I should start small, as a co-author, or part of a panel or something. Work my way up to first authorship. What do you think?