Frustrated
Forgive me, this will be very vague, but there's nothing I can do about it because I don't want to give too many personal details away. I need to make a very bad grammatical blunder and call this person "they," as I do not want to reveal the gender of the person (as that may give too much information away as well).
I received an email today from a friend. We've known each other for a long time, but in the beginning it was only a professional relationship. They are going through a difficult time at the moment, and I feel very bad about this.
However, today this person sent me an email that made me angry. For some reason they tell me not to do things that I would have the common sense not to do anyway. Also, they bring up mistakes that I made maybe one time maybe five or ten years ago, as if they expect me to do it again. Finally, while this person calls me a friend, they still sign their emails Firstname Lastname. We've known each other for about ten years, and we stopped working together in a professional capacity about five years ago. I don't know about you, but I only sign my first and last name when I need to be professional or when I don't know the person at all.
It's very hard for me to say anything about this to them, because (a) they are going through a very hard time at the moment, and (b) because of our age difference and former professional relationship, I don't know if it would make me come across as ungrateful or disrespectful or whatever.
I've accomplished a lot since we first met, yet I feel like they still think of me as the same person I was when we met (I was in high school then). Maybe this is all petty, but it's really frustrating to have someone I respect very much, someone who says "I consider you a friend," to treat me like they don't trust me.
4 comments:
You said there's some age difference between you and this person. Maybe that's why they tell you not to do things, etc. Maybe they used to be a sort of mentor or guide for you when you were younger, and they still act like they feel they need to guide or advise you.
My teacher/mentor and I really bonded. I know I'm not "just one more student" to her, and she's like a friend to me. If we keep in touch after I'm done with college (and I'm sure we will) I wouldn't be surprised if, in 10 years or so, she would still advise/guide me somehow. This is how our relationship started in the first place. I wouldn't mind it at all. (I sometimes give her some advice too.) But then again, even now, she doesn't sign her emails Firstname Lastname... That is a little weird. Maybe this person does consider you a friend, but at the same time they can't forget how your relationship started and they still feel there's an age or professional gap between you two?
Dear Kaitlin
That is very sad to hear, but do not forget to chill your K-Ice in the fridge before consuming them.
Sincerely,
Hans C. Toennesen
Har dee har har har. ;)
Sometimes we forget that our students grow up and become mature adults. Sometimes I forget that my younger colleagues don't need my treating them like teenagers. And sometimes our relationships change as we move on, but they also remain frozen in our minds at the time we lived them. Have you approached the person about how you feel?
Post a Comment